Episode Details
John S. UK to Canada, Cancer during COVID Dad of 2
Season 3 Episode 1
John S. UK to Canada, Cancer during COVID Dad of 2
Episode Summary
“I’m still on a kind of mixed-grief journey, I guess,” says John Smith, father of two, who lost his wife Kathy to colon cancer nearly two years ago. She was diagnosed just as the World Health Organization declared Covid-19 an official emergency. They were living with her parents at the time, and John discusses the challenges he faced with his in-laws in the immediate period following Kathy’s death. Their approach to grief was completely different from his—they almost pretended it wasn’t happening—and they ended up having separate services. It was a lesson in recognizing that each person is someone different to all the people in his or her life. And many of those same people, who promised very early on to do whatever they could to help John, tended to naturally fall away over time.
When it comes to meeting new people—people, as Mathew points out, who will never have known your wife—there is the awkwardness of having to tell them about her death for the first time. People’s reactions are strange but understandable. They almost go into denial, especially when you’re young and you have young children, almost as if by acknowledging that it happened to you they must acknowledge it could happen to anyone. Mathew says how important it is to have a weekly period of time to yourself no matter what you choose to do with it.
John discusses the unique challenges of getting back out on the dating scene, just as a 40-something and particularly as a widower. He praises the community Mathew created where there is a balance of feeling safe to share feelings without being too overwhelming. He refers to it as a brotherhood.
In this opening episode of Season Three of the Solo Dad Podcast, Matt is joined by John for a deeply personal conversation centered on loss, resilience, and life after losing a spouse to colon cancer. Recorded during Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, the episode weaves together grief, parenting, health advocacy, and the long, uneven process of rebuilding a life after profound loss.
John shares the story of losing his wife, Kathy, to colon cancer at just 35 years old, leaving him to raise their two young children alone during the height of COVID lockdowns. He reflects on the shock of diagnosis, emergency surgery, chemotherapy, and how illness and isolation collided to reshape family life overnight. The conversation captures what it was like parenting toddlers while caregiving, grieving in real time, and navigating loss without the usual support systems available.
A major theme of the episode is early grief and the fog that follows loss. John and Matt talk candidly about exhaustion, decision overload, and the emotional weight of doing everything alone once initial support fades away. They reflect on how solo dads often minimize how much they are carrying, focusing instead on what isn’t done rather than recognizing the magnitude of what they are accomplishing every day.
The episode also explores children’s resilience and the surprising ways kids help their parents heal. John shares how his relationship with his children deepened through caregiving and loss, and how their affection, honesty, and joy have become anchors in his healing. Matt reflects on how kids often show us that life can still move forward, even when grief remains present.
Parenting after loss runs throughout the conversation, including navigating activities, routines, and the pressure to keep kids busy while balancing self-care. The guys discuss how staying physically active, getting enough sleep, and carving out small moments for yourself are not luxuries, but necessities for solo parents. They also touch on guilt, emotional regulation, and the importance of giving yourself credit for surviving circumstances you never asked for.
Another significant thread is relationships after loss—both with extended family and with the outside world. John shares how grief strained relationships with in-laws, friends, and coworkers, and how time and distance helped create healthier boundaries. The episode addresses the awkward reality of deciding when and how to tell people your spouse has died, especially as you move into communities where no one knew your partner.
The conversation closes with reflections on love, memory, and permission to move forward. John speaks about the reassurance his wife gave him before she died, affirming his ability to care for their children, and how those words continue to guide him. Both men reflect on the hope of finding happiness again someday, without diminishing the love they still hold for their wives.
This episode is not just a conversation about grief, but also a reminder of the importance of health advocacy, particularly around colon cancer screening and awareness. If you are a widower, solo dad, or someone navigating life after cancer-related loss, this episode offers honesty, perspective, and reassurance that you are not alone.
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